Celebrities, we assume, don’t have to worry about getting the perfect Christmas present—if it’s not under the tree, they can go out and get it themselves. Or can they? After all, Kobe Bryant won’t be able to unwrap his old squeaky-clean reputation on Dec. 25 and put it back on, as one of the people who answered our question “If you could buy just one gift for the famous person of your choice, what would you buy and for whom?” no doubt hoped he could. Some of the other gifts our respondents suggested are just as fitting—and there’s a one-size-fits-all gift in the bunch as well.

Thomas Waldman
Director of Foundation Relations, SAS External Affairs
“I’d give Barbara Walters elocution lessons.”

Michael Baker
Executive Director of Development, SAS External Affairs
“I would give my address to Robbie Williams. Hopefully no one knows who that is.”

Susanne Bradford
Director of Communications, SAS External Affairs
“I would give Britney Spears and company full length t-shirts.”

Katherine Smith
Administrative Assistant, Health System Development Office
“I would give Paul McCartney a kiss on the cheek.”

Janine Elyan
Senior Assistant Director, Gift Planning, Health System Development Office
“I would give George W. Bush the gift of world peace, whether he wants it or not.”

Bart Mittenberger
Administrative Assistant, Wharton External Affairs
“I would invite John Coltrane to dinner at my house. We’d talk about music and spirituality and have to end with sweet potato pie. He could eat one whole in one sitting.”

Tim Wortham
Development Assistant, Wharton External Affairs
“I’d give Eminem a prenup.”

Carlos Pope
Development Assistant, Wharton External Affairs
“I would give Whoopi Goldberg the Oscar for ‘The Color Purple.’ She was robbed.”

Kyle Jordon
Office Systems Coordinator, Wharton External Affairs
“I’d get Kobe Bryant a time machine.”

Dina Zhabinskaya
Ph.D. candidate, Physics
“I would get Fidel Castro a new baseball cap. He loves baseball, and I think we’re all tired of seeing that silly cap he wears all the time.”

Floyd Porter
Administrative Assistant, CGS
“If I had to give a famous person a gift, I would give them Jesus. I would give the gift of eternal life.”

— Jamal Shareef and Jason Bartlett